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2001-10-02

ah, that familiar after soup party morning haze. I love it.

last night's soup party was the kind which I truly love--just the right amount of people, really good soup, lots of beers drunk and cigarettes smoked and laughter laughed and good conversations. Got to have my hour with J* before anyone else came which is always a nice feature of the soup party. Got to have my hour with my faveboy after everyone else left which is also a nice feature. Also in attendence were the goldenboy, my internet friend, the stealthy guitarist and his artistladylove, roomie, the keyring girl(yah!) later the atticdweller and a friend from work, and much later his redhaired beauty.

The red chile with pork and pintos was warming and spicy and yum. The cornbread was, as my internet friend remarked, "corntastic"! the sopapillas were the best I have made yet, and everyone had a good time getting all sticky with the honey. There was beer a plenty and IBC rootbeer in a big giant bottle(boy was that a nice thing at midnightthirty when i was rolling into bed.....) We listened to all varieties of music, travelling from a Cd sampler of CRUNK! to Engelbert Humperdink. Later, after all the rest of the people had left, my faveboy begged for Dreamboat Annie. Wild and sweet, that one.

Some fave moments: conversations about the nice monkey versus the big bad monkey, and saving the nice monkey from the bad influences; talk about a giraffe(really J*, you are just going to have to show me these giraffe pictures. I have no idea......), ROCKTOBER; Rocky Horror; Hall of Fame inductees; Britney versus Christina(we seem to have variations on this theme a lot); daytime talk shows about "girls who think they're all that"; dazed and confused, the movie; gettin all up under my sink with my faveboy in his headlamp, and not being able to see what he was talking about due to the curtain of hair; talk of plumbing, bass cabinets, transgender issues and separatism, how halloween and new years parties seem to suck regularly these days, gardening; Oh so much more. My brain was full and happy.

I love my friends! I am a very lucky girl. Counting my blessings is something which I should do a little more often.

Before all the squishy wonderfulness of the soup party, I had a strange strange cosmic occurance which was the most bittersweet thing to happen to me in a very long time. Sunday night I had a very sweet dream about my ex-sweetheart, about whom I have been thinking a lot lately. I have not spoken to him for several months as he has been traipsing around the country as is his wont in the late summer and early fall. So I have this dream, and it was all sweet, and it made me a little sad when I woke up that, you know, life is suffering and things could not work out the way we always thought they would. So what happens while I am sitting at my desk at work, preparing sales reports like there is no tomorrow? HE CALLED ME. Out of the blue, because, get this, he had a nice dream about me last night. Oh brother. I told him we were not going to compare details of the dream because we are both flaky hippie enough to believe in astral projection and all that stuff and my mind was feeling a little too fragile to deal with that. So we chatted a bit about my life and a bit about his. It was equally bittersweet to hear how he is in ABQ and looking for an apt with his new lady and their baby, and running into all the people and places we knew when we lived there. It does hurt me to think of him telling people over and over why I am not there. Although, really it shouldn't, as it wasn't my fault. But it does the same.

Sigh.

Matters of the heart always weigh heavy with me.

tell me how would you feel with no world of your own and nobody to hold

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