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Links LUPEC |
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just got back from an emotionally overwrought trip to the strip district. I woke up from my cleansing sleep and after listening to PEOPLE over and over, and then a little bit of THROWING COPPER, I realized I had no coffee. So i got myself dressed and I went down there. In a daze. Got to Delucas and got a seat at the bar and got, thank you whatever deity is watching over me, a copy of THE NEW PEOPLE, the Thomas Merton Center newspaper. Of course it came out before all this happened, but just to hold it in my hands and remember that they exist and realize that there is somewhere I can go, where I will definitely be surrounded by people who believe with me that more killing is not the answer, was an awesome relief. I think this is part of my great fear---I want to be with people who are experiencing sadness and grief, but I am afraid of being with people who think that we need to cause more. And they are out there, everywhere, some places where I least expect it. I have to admit that I am sometimes afraid to talk to people because I do not want to find out that someone I love and care about thinks that bombing civilians somewhere OVER THERE is the answer to this tragedy. I ate my breakfast and drank my coffee and watched Hillary, one of my heroines and the strongest woman I can think of right now, speaking at a funeral and looking so sad and drained and tired that I had to cry, right there into my breakfast burrito. She was doing a good job of holding up but there it was, reflected back at me. The awesome feeling of a heavy heart. I finished up and walked down the street where I could go to the sanctuary of Lotus Foods where no one would speak english and say something to offend me. On the way I passed the enormous asshole t shrit salesman who is usually shouting about how Cleveland still sucks. Today he was shouting about "my best seller, PAYBACK'S A BITCH!"--a t shirt with graphics of bombs in red white and blue. I could not believe my eyes or my ears or the hordes of people gathered around him. I wanted to scream and cry in the middle of the street. I have heard a lot about how after this tragedy the nation is no longer divided into democrat and republican, but united into one america. I have to say that I for one feel more divided than ever. I do not want to stand in allegiance with people who think that more killing of civillians will solve anything. I ducked into the asian store and listened to the happy melding of voices I could not understand. I got my udon noodle bowls and I smiled sweetly at the woman checking me out, who smiled sweetly at me. I left and crossed the street to avoid the asshole and his crowd, and ran smack into a beautiful old Italian man, at least 70, playing his heart out on a harmonica. He looked into my eyes and I smiled at him and then the tears came so fast and hot I could not control them. Thank you for trying to bring some happiness to my world. Thank you also to the nice African man at the busstop who spoke to me and smiled at me and made sure I got on the bus before him. The kindness of strangers is making me cry left and right these days, but I need it so much. Today I am probably going to do laundry, although it might have to wait until tomorrow. tonight I am going to try to be celebratory--at least to spend some time in the company of friends. Remember to say please and thank you. Remember to smile at people who smile at you. Remember to be kind and loving whenever you can. |
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