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Links LUPEC |
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Merry good morning to you. IT is SUNNY right now. 10:48am on Dec 22nd and the sun is shining in the window. I am confused. Yeah, I am really confused right now. Reading through last year's stories, I see that I am feeling EXACTLY the same way I felt at this time last year. A little maudlin, a little like everything is totally fucked and yet completely ok at the same time. I guess that is what I get for living life with an open heart. So, the rockstar thing did not happen as a result of some Lennon and McCartney style infighting. I know that it will all work out fine and everyone will always love each other, but I was really looking forward to hanging with the boys and the boys just weren't hanging with each other. Pooh. I had to be loyal and so I did not pursue the new york rock star. I am hoping that I will at least see him today or tonight. I called J* and she came over and I made some damn yummy homemade eggnog with brandy and we chatted a bit and then went to the holiday party. Where the food was incredible, and the house was lovely, and the people were all warm and wonderful and I felt like the booze was either going to make me REALLY merry or it was going to send me spiralling into maudlin. Despite my best efforts and despite the great company, it started to have the maudlin effect. We sat in the smoking lounge for a long long time, hanging out with funny people telling funny stories. And then J* went down to refill her beer, and she came back and told me that faveboy was there, and the girl was there too. And I was not feeling good enough to be COOL, so I said we should go. And we got ready to go, and we went downstairs to get coats and I chatted with stealthy and I could see my boy around the corner, looking at me, smiling big. And he came around to hug me and he looked SO GOOD in his courderoy jacket and sweater and nice shoes that my heart just BROKE, and he asked where I was going and I said home and he was visibly bothered and my heart broke AGAIN, but what the fuck was I supposed to do? Sit there talking to him and have to endure the eventuality that she would stumble upon us, and then I would have to be COOL? I had to go. So I came home and put on Concrete Blonde and fell asleep on the sofa with the candle burning. St Jude. patron of hopeless cases. I am not down for the count, people. I am bouncing back for some more holiday shopping and present wrapping and hopefully peeping some of my favorite people today, and then tonight to the pub for some heartbreaking rock and roll, and then to my highschoolbuddy's house for some cheer. I love cheer. Just like I said last year, I don't know what it is, and it doesn't really matter. Because when I have it, it is right as rain. And because I know how to take care of myself and remove myself from difficult situations. And because a breaking heart only proves that you have one. |
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